I don't fucking understand this. I am given no options, yet I am taking all. Willing, ready and pathetically desperate. I cannot take a single step this way.
Am I not qualified for life? Even simplicity is fine, I need so little at this point. My time is worthless and worth less.
Maybe I should just be a horrible person, I am convinced of this anyway, it could at least be valid and bringing me something. I've never been good at any criminal activity, I don't know enough people to sell drugs anymore and I am not a good liar. Yet it is clear I am of the depths of society.
I really only want money to help others so its kind of contradictory. I don't want anything or need anything, I just want purpose. Something to offer others. This drive is stronger than anything for myself, I care nothing of me. It is too late for me so I'd like to at least provide out of my otherwise meaningless existence something. Something.
Stupid fuck.
