Why did I do that?

Typical. You knew better, you even promised yourself to never feel anything again because you know the result is bound to repeat. Well, brain, I told you so. I turned that shit back on for nothing. You've been reduced again. Broken down again. Lied and betrayed. Again. 

Fucking idiot.

I hate that putrid emotion again. It's useless anyway, a distraction of what is really important: my selfish pleasure and self made reality. 

I knew what I was doing but I had to feel. 

Foolish.

Feel nothing, be sick and sad only. You've lost and deserve such. 

So there it is.

Lost.

I don't miss "it".