Showing posts with label beautiful. Show all posts
Showing posts with label beautiful. Show all posts
oh I see...
I am supposed to be more compassionate because it is the "Xmas" season right?? well no one is here for me, just like any other random Wednesday night. Here I am alone, being real, being true, being wasted and alone. Fuck all of society, fuck every living being beside my sweet pup. We are fine, I'm drunk, he's sleepy and warm, that's it. We don't need you and your pity.. This is life as it is, what it is, good and bad (mostly bad) I don't care, do you? Date and time are nothing more then reference. I'm sick but would be anyway, I'm dying but I always am, I'm nothing but that is who I am. I miss everything but who doesn't? life is a joke as it always is but it is not seasonal. Maybe the care is seasonal but that's as far as it goes. This American holiday means nothing. I give to the poor and pathetic though I am one of them receiving nothing.. Not in a bitter way, but seriously, I need help, I need hope too. Hope, that's what drives us all, dreams and wants, I am losing them all. A good night to me is to fall asleep lacking of all the stresses of my problems, to let them wait until tomorrow, even literally, to just get by, that's it. I ask for so little but get nothing. Hate me, hate my fight, call me what you will as I try hard, fight on, love live and be a great man to the world, it doesn't matter if I am smart or deviant, it only matters when I pay my bills and shut up. That is America, that is what we are meant for. I am not meant for anything. I am a fool to tobacco and liquor, I am a fool to the drug trade, I am a fool to the working class, I am no one to society. I have a brain, I have independent thought, I have expression. Those are not qualities. but back-draws. I am destined to quit and fail but I refuse. Fucking dammit! I am great, I am something, I think! I am! I am real! Who fucking cares? It doesn't matter. I am still me, always will be, I cannot be broken or change, I will die in a gutter as me before I conform to some bullshit I do not believe in, I hate this world and refuse to become it but strive to achieve the known beauty of it. It is such a twist of intellectualism, poetry and ironic stupidity, I don't know how to accept it or if i even could but I feel a need to keep fighting, there's a reason, a fight, a cause for it. There is a reason for all o us, a reason for passion, loss and nothing, we have something. I can't quit, i certainly cannot hate, i just want to love and be happy....
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I have totally fucked every aspect of my life. 'Ive nothing left. Going no where so fast. its not so funny.
You are not meant to do or be anything,
I cannot believe what i have become. this fucking laptop is broke, I cannot even type anymore without it jumping around and destroying my thoughts.
i have pure love and passion but no one cares. I do not deserve any of this?
repeatedly rejected for my blatant failures.
I am so fucking lost.
I love.
I hate myself.
It is just me and my pup. I knew it would be, it is all there is. I wish I could understand what is wrong with me. my failures continue. why cannot I be loved? Why cannot is what I feel anything?
Whiskey. $3
Will I ever be anything? I am aware of my potential. I hear it blatantly told to me by people whose opinion i greatly respect and do not bullshit, I know its real, I know I am real. Why does nothing ever happen?
I long for so many things, I dream so much, I have great passion, I always understood that it was most important, that is what drives, I have it, but there is nothing coming through.
help? no. I have never felt such a thing. only ridicule of my efforts.
here I am, no degree, no accomplishments, no name of myself. I am no writer, not a photographer, ha! not an artist, guffaw, you are not a label.
I want something, some reasoning.
rejection.
constant.
but not for real reasons, not of who i am or how i feel. I do not understand. I am not worth any effort yet I try so hard all alone.
I truly love my dog as he loves me. I cannot keep a real friend. I cannot be what anyone feels. I am alone, should be, meant to be, maybe try to be, but should not be. I feel, no one else does. I am hated, why? hated? that seems extreme. I'm not the best but I am so true, pure and real it should be respected. My efforts are a joke in general. I cannot stand existing as some stupid character meaning nothing to anyone while i try so hard
I had it all figured out but ran out of time. give it back!
I found a grey hair, not in my beard, those have been there a while, but in my beautiful mop. I am slowly dying. my friends have children the age that I feel I still am. I have nothing. I don't even own my own car. I have no degree, I have no reality. I am hated, most importantly by me.
I have but one true, repetitive dream I crave but seems to slip further and further away every day. I am so confused. so lost. i miss life.
Oh city, I hate you too, I love you so much. please make me happy, make me forget everything give me life, why? why not?
I had real thoughts when I started but here we are.
Whiskey.
You are not meant to do or be anything,
I cannot believe what i have become. this fucking laptop is broke, I cannot even type anymore without it jumping around and destroying my thoughts.
i have pure love and passion but no one cares. I do not deserve any of this?
repeatedly rejected for my blatant failures.
I am so fucking lost.
I love.
I hate myself.
It is just me and my pup. I knew it would be, it is all there is. I wish I could understand what is wrong with me. my failures continue. why cannot I be loved? Why cannot is what I feel anything?
Whiskey. $3
Will I ever be anything? I am aware of my potential. I hear it blatantly told to me by people whose opinion i greatly respect and do not bullshit, I know its real, I know I am real. Why does nothing ever happen?
I long for so many things, I dream so much, I have great passion, I always understood that it was most important, that is what drives, I have it, but there is nothing coming through.
help? no. I have never felt such a thing. only ridicule of my efforts.
here I am, no degree, no accomplishments, no name of myself. I am no writer, not a photographer, ha! not an artist, guffaw, you are not a label.
I want something, some reasoning.
rejection.
constant.
but not for real reasons, not of who i am or how i feel. I do not understand. I am not worth any effort yet I try so hard all alone.
I truly love my dog as he loves me. I cannot keep a real friend. I cannot be what anyone feels. I am alone, should be, meant to be, maybe try to be, but should not be. I feel, no one else does. I am hated, why? hated? that seems extreme. I'm not the best but I am so true, pure and real it should be respected. My efforts are a joke in general. I cannot stand existing as some stupid character meaning nothing to anyone while i try so hard
I had it all figured out but ran out of time. give it back!
I found a grey hair, not in my beard, those have been there a while, but in my beautiful mop. I am slowly dying. my friends have children the age that I feel I still am. I have nothing. I don't even own my own car. I have no degree, I have no reality. I am hated, most importantly by me.
I have but one true, repetitive dream I crave but seems to slip further and further away every day. I am so confused. so lost. i miss life.
Oh city, I hate you too, I love you so much. please make me happy, make me forget everything give me life, why? why not?
I had real thoughts when I started but here we are.
Whiskey.
Oh, oh yes.
Not to sound as a dick and say what you will to deny it, but I know I am an amazing lover.
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