The table

At least it's not...

Sunrise

Monday

Closing time

Too late 

Last call

On empty

The last shot

20 miles from home

Desperate 

The worst I've done

Selling my soul

During work

Filthy sex

Cocaine

Expensive

Illegal

Morally wrong 

Embarrassing

Wretched desperation

Fueled by self hatred

Average 

Boring

The worst thing I have ever done in my entire existence on this earth

Ignorant 

Fueled by sex

Just plain stupid

My very last dollar

Pathetic

All I am

Life

Heroin

Known by others

My peak

Who I really am...

But then I did it anyway...

Thursday night (late)

Sore dizzying planted scrolls of the minds wasted times and efforts bringing out the worst in the highest peak of great times. Fusing stupidity with nectar and oily sparks trace the letters on the wall as I lay thoughtless and consumed with revelations personal. Letting the mind go, letting the facts fall to the side in slippery flashes of importance. Once there was a.

it

If it's wrong, I'm right.

Absinthe and moonshine in the same night? And what was that pill?

There aren't enough drugs

O what is the point anyway? I really don't think anything matters at this juncture. Id like to just pay back a few debts complete and disappear, figuratively, then literally, from myself and the world.
I have an itch I cannot reach,

Wrong, all wrong.

I have no idea. I have overdone it all. I went the wrong direction, let it slip too far. I do not know of any future, I do not know or feel of dreams. Goals are the simplest requirements of life and never look ahead or long term further than a week or so.
Now I'm lost.
Even more.
But I occasionally have "fun" and am generally free of darkness and bleak views of things that may or may not be there. Thinking less, zoned out, impulsive yet following a rut of progression lacking change.
Be stupid, laugh at everything, fuck everyone, mock the idea of frustration or anger or dare to try, depression.

It's fine, I got a nice couple of shirts today. True vintage. I think I'll sell them. Then I will buy tea with the vantage. Yes.

That is what it is now. Getting by/high. Literally and painfully so. But not so dismal a way as chemicals provide much suppression, as well as the "excitement" of spontaneity and change mixed with anticipation of the unknown, unlived, projects of existence.
It's ok.