I have no idea. I have overdone it all. I went the wrong direction, let it slip too far. I do not know of any future, I do not know or feel of dreams. Goals are the simplest requirements of life and never look ahead or long term further than a week or so.
Now I'm lost.
Even more.
But I occasionally have "fun" and am generally free of darkness and bleak views of things that may or may not be there. Thinking less, zoned out, impulsive yet following a rut of progression lacking change.
Be stupid, laugh at everything, fuck everyone, mock the idea of frustration or anger or dare to try, depression.
It's fine, I got a nice couple of shirts today. True vintage. I think I'll sell them. Then I will buy tea with the vantage. Yes.
That is what it is now. Getting by/high. Literally and painfully so. But not so dismal a way as chemicals provide much suppression, as well as the "excitement" of spontaneity and change mixed with anticipation of the unknown, unlived, projects of existence.
It's ok.
