Next

Absolutely demand yourself and all others involved to cast the vortex ball

tit

I am sleeping.
Running with scissors.
Tape
Applesauce
Butter
Blade
Establish advice
Indulgence
Look around...
I miss everything.

Getting something to eat...

I open a drawer in the kitchen to acquire a spoon, there are two, nestled tightly together, reflecting in one another's form and likeness. Fitting so well together at rest. I became jealous and angry with these spoons and their tranquil life shared. I retrieve one of them, bend it out of shape and throw it back in the drawer far from the other. I slam the drawer shut and lean on the counter, aware of my maddening reaction. I feel great sadness build inside, a swelling, pressure crushes my temples, reality of life overcomes me as I stare into the counter. This is no way to live.

today and further

Lonliness supersedes motivation. Time wasted becomes important and destructive.

too real

this

Absolutely nothing is to be taken literally, seriously, or truthfully, including this sentence.

insomniatic indulgence

Utilizing the avoidance of the true, unfiltered dreams of deep sleep as an excuse to remain awake completes the circle of rejection.

remains

Music

Null and Void

A party filled with thieves

slight chance...

Evaluation. Conclusion.

Mindless, thoughtless, insensate state
Floating in a sea of hate
Emptiness inside
A future left to hide
My only consolation
Constant masturbation
Loss of hope, guidance, reason, trust and treason
Take me to the void and shove me in
I see your hatred and coldness within
I ruled you once;
I took the stage, through overwhelming rage, black hearted mage
To my soul you have pulled
From my desperate hold
You've left me old
Broken, lost
At no cost
To you, my friend
And you'll do it again
I've given up on life as i know it
Just look at me, I clearly show it
Through phases of pain, weakness and shame
I have no name
No one to blame
I expected it when it came
Why should I be surprised?
Long ago I realized
This shit world was not for me
I thought I had learned a thing or two
To change my point of view
I was right all along
Life is not a song
But a screeching, horrible racket
It's not to be lived
You must attack it
Forces crush, push and knock out of line
Scratching and slashing
Blood pours like wine
I cannot define
The reason was mine
Seven worlds intertwine
Take some pills, you ll be fine
What to make of this
Unachievable bliss
Lie down alongside the noise of the street
Destroy all the dreams you meet
Make your shut down discrete
If the early bursts of yellow sky
Is powerless to peel the eye
Then the ultimate failure is done
The darkness has won.

S.A.

Quote

It seems that I have an infinite capacity to be unhappy. How can I be so stupid as to waste my life away being unhappy like this! What am I going to do? When will I realize that I have a great life of my own?
   Well, there is still time before it's too late...
  (and I don't understand it.)

- Kerouac

two and three

Break free of your horrible self, impulsive and true
Create your life, it must be formed, forged
How
you've fucked it up already.
You can't think about it, that's not pure and from the soul.
Just fucking let it go.
Have no more feelings.
There is no love
I feel hollow
I cannot find a soulmate without a proper soul.
What the fuck is a soul? What is it to me? I really don't feel anything anymore.
There is nothing really.
I don't want to try anymore. It's never going to work.
I feel nothing.
I haven't broken free of anything.

music

brick city love song

Advice

If you feel you are about to fall, jump.
make it count.
If you are on the edge, just go ahead, step off.
Hanging on by a thread?
Snap that fucker and go down hard.

somber

Another leveling off, re-stocked my favorite strain of tea. Overall a somewhat useful day, at minimal, in that regard anyways.  I’m still projecting leads of every kind. Pathetic, bitch labor is fine. I’d be really good with some high end art compensation, but seems highly unlikely. My skills and talent must be useful to someone; I just can’t find anyone right now.

I don’t know why I chose such a useless path. It promises no future at all and only entices a dream.  A point of at least moderate stability is required before one can even consider chasing the dream. 

I’m even getting to the level where I’ll take lesser versions of the dream, fuck, I’ll take anything at this point. I should have gotten into a computer programing, or just some kind of simplified, drone gig. No backup plan, no center of incoming supply, needs or wants to keep the growing flow going.

I need power