I don't know what to say. There's no focus here. Man, my mind has never been so clusterfucked. Every day every second is like a passing moment to break free and climb or just crumble. When did that become the only options?
Absolutely no structure of any kind, nothing to rely on. It's really a bitch that way. I know it doesn't really matter, I do everything on my own anyways, but there is a true emptiness now. There was never enough time for anything before as there is no time now, but too much time is wasted on useless endeavors, such as this dumb shit. Projects are spread out at different layers and levels leaving behind few finished pieces of failure to display.
It should be simple to create one's own structure, it even sounds ideal. But when at a level of loneliness, bullshit and forced interactions with those that destroy, it seems a clash impossible to solve. Dark, downer, useless attitudes and days are more damaging than before, easier to let happen when following your own structure. It's like giving yourself the day off to be fucking sad. Then your sad you took the day off and are even more fucked with all the shit you didn't do yet. Soon you will be overwhelmed and need another day off.
Just one of many exciting, new, "circles of despair" to choose from.
Ah, but, have you still your wits?
I have no idea anymore, really.
