I'm too rational a thinker in some ways. To plan a future from this point is bleak, bland and greatly disheartening. Rationally, I must know who I am, how easily I fail and accept odds. I see nothing but the pleasures I bring myself, which are far from enough and, of course, lack any intensity.
This gives me vision of dark places in which my clouded, chemically operated mind brings me my reality. Alone, filth, empty. Barely existing.
